Intentions, Control, Loopholes, and the Library

My whole life I was a "good kid." Any time I actually got in trouble it was usually for my mouth. I never did things without thinking them through and I hardly ever got in trouble. If it was for an accident or a mistake, I could always get out of it, because it wasn't "intentional."

Well, obviously, my HoH missed the "intentional" rule. I have found there are no loopholes in this dd marriage. SC is well aware of my tactics and is not willing to play.

So, what does this mean for me? I get spanked. a lot. Even when I am trying.

This is new ground for me. I am a perfectionist and have always been able to do what I set out to do.

Failing when trying? New ground. And I am NOT a fan.

When SC got back from his trip I knew I would be punished. And I was. Sunday night. Happy Easter, right? ;)

So, slightly tender from that "adventure" I "intended" to make it through Monday without doing ANYTHING worthy of a punishment. Well...someone should have told PMS to stay away. And the library not to call...

UGH. The Library. I hate the library! I went almost a year without going because of how high my fines were. I finally broke down and went only to get a call yesterday that the books we had out were 8 days late and therefore I owed $39.60 in fines. SERIOUSLY?!? That is ridiculous. And I didn't MEAN to be late. A month went by really fast! And those fines are totally wrong.

One of the first rules we had was about the library fines. I am notorious. In fact, we buy all of our homeschool books so I don't HAVE to use the library because it ends up cheaper to buy the books than paying the fines.  SC has a no tolerance policy with the library. It falls nicely under his "wastefulness" rule.

Yuck. I told him about it via text and he assured me that was "very not good for me." Lovely.

Add in PMS and some yelling at the kids and I knew it would be a fun night.

But, but, I tried! I really wanted to be punishment free. Having punishments out of my control is frustrating! Yeah, yeah, I know that's the point, but I am a perfectionist and I HATE not being "perfect" at this. I know perfect is not possible and if it were I wouldn't need TTWD...but letting go of my loopholes is tough. I am the Queen of Loopholes. I am the one who got pulled over 9 times in my college days with only one ticket. I considered myself a master manipulator. (yeah yeah not a great trait, I know.).

SC is onto me. No loopholes. No good intentions.

So last night, I experienced what I think was his "stepping it up" in the lecture. He has me sit on the bed next to him and begins to lecture. Honestly? I almost laughed! He is trying to be all serious, and I can't help think it is funny that I am about to be spanked over library fines.

You have a problem with the library, and you wasted almost $40 in fines. 

hiding laughter. I know I should be taking this more seriously.

Now, I know your temptation is to now avoid the library, but you can't do that.. . .

ok, now I stopped laughing, that was totally my plan. What do you mean, I can't avoid the library...how else will I avoid the fines?!? (intelligent enough to not have said out loud!) I just give him the deer in the headlights look...

You need to be responsible. Send yourself a reminder, put it on your phone. Be aware of when they need to go back. You can't avoid the library because then we waste money by you BUYING the books. 

oh dear.

And then the issue of my attitude with the kids . . .

Is PMS an excuse?

hmmmm, can it be? It should be! (again I had the forethought to NOT SAY this out loud!) ;)

No

I hate being out of control. This submissive thing is tough.

Honestly though, and I really hate to admit this. . . I don't miss the loopholes. I love that my man can see through the games my mind plays without me even thinking about it. I can't become the person I want to be if I allow myself to be held back by excuses.

So, hesitantly, but willingly, saying goodbye to the loopholes. It's worth it.