Recently I read a post of at LDD about dd without spanking. I admit, I did a lot of thinking about this. You hear a lot of dd people say how spanking is only part of it...a small part for many. So, I have given this a bit of thought, because honestly, for us, spanking has been a big part of dd.
(I completely understand that this is not the same for all...and that for some couples spanking does not work the same way...and that for some spanking is impossible.)*disclaimer -- hence the title of this post!
We as dd wives often talk about the fact that we don't know why spanking works, we just know it does.
It settles us.
It is stress relief
It resets us
It helps us to remain/get into a submissive state
It works, and is therefore, for us, a critical part of dd.
This week, I got a taste of life in dd without spanking. Something happened last week that kind of upset the cart. SC declared us on a spanking hiatus until he could work it out. He was still HoH, I was still to keep the rules, there would still be consequences, just not spanking.
Corner time, journal entries...they just don't "reset" like a spanking does. I still feel guilt for much of the last week...Corner time makes me ANGRY...so that's not very effective! :P
I have just felt...unsettled.
So, that made me think more...what IS IT about spanking... why does that do what it does?
I still don't have all the answers...but I think my eyes were opened a little.
1. It asserts his authority
2. It causes you to submit-- the simple act of being sent to the bedroom or over the bed can sometimes resettle me into submission
3. It humbles you: The simple act of going OTB or OTK is a HUMBLING position
4. Physical connection: simple hand to bottom connection-- It is not only physical connection, but the physical connection does further amplify your roles
5. It strips your defenses-- It is hard to be defensive in this position. You are no longer defending yourself or attacking your HoH, you are focused on where you failed, and how to not do it again.
6. It renders you physically vulnerable-- no where to go, nothing else to distract
7. It renders you emotionally vulnerable-- all false pretenses are gone in this position
8. It releases guilt-- things are atoned
9. It releases the HoH from any frustration or disappointment-- he has "taken care of things"
10. The pain causes physical release of endorphins in your body-- this can feel like an emotional release. (catharsis)
11. It leads to a physical reconnection
12. It leads to emotional reconnection.
Corner time, lines, essays, grounding...while all effective punishments in their own right, do not do what spankings do (for me).
While I know some are perfectly content to have dd without spanking...dd without spanking has left me restless and disconnected. I feel like I did before dd-- we are "fine". "Fine" is no longer acceptable....
Good thing he has declared R/A for tonight...I am ready to be back connected in his arms...after being over his lap of course.
**this was written a few days ago...we have had R/A and all is right in our little world once again!