Tuesday, February 12, 2013

What is domestic discipline?

There are so many "brands" of domestic discipline out there, it is difficult to even have a clue what someone means when they say they have a dd relationship. When I first began researching I was rather overwhelmed until I thankfully stumbled upon the learningdd blog. My HoH and I felt like we had found a gold mine! Factual information about the lifestyle without all the "other" stuff we weren't into. We were grateful to have a road map of sorts. We are Christians, but we don't think God ordained for husbands to spank their wives. It happens to work for us and many others, but we don't think it is God's sovereign plan and certainly have no intention of twisting Scripture to back it up. We do it because it works for us....If you are looking for a definition of dd, I direct you to learningdd's  "What is domestic discipline?" He can say it so much better than I. :) 

However, I can answer "what dd means to us:"

1. My husband is the head of our home. (We do think this is the Biblical part!) ;) the HoH.

2. I, the wife, submit to my husband, but I am an equal and treasured partner in the marriage relationship. We make decisions together, discuss everything, parent our children as equals, and he listens to what I have to say. He values my thoughts and opinions. Yes, he can end a conversation, and yes he can make a decision with out me...but he rarely does that. We are in this together. He may refuse to continue a conversation because I am being unreasonable or disrespectful, but he never ends a conversation because he doesn't care about or value what I have to say.

3. We have rules. We have a list of rules we have agreed upon and I have agreed to be held accountable for. We discussed these rules and they are "our" rules, not his rules for me. They are to protect and care for me and our family. They are for my benefit. 

4. When I break said rules there are consequences. Usually involving a lecture and a spanking. Usually involving the darned paddle.  

5. Submitting to my husband has allowed him freedom to be the man he was designed to be. He feared being honest before because I was a tyrant. I would turn any argument into me as the victim. He has thrived in his role as Hoh, and I respect him in ways I never thought I could. 

6. We are learning and growing in this lifestyle and in our marriage. We have only been in a dd lifestyle a short while and have so much to learn. But, we are teachable, and eager to grow closer together, redefining our roles, communication, and thoughts on what marriage is and what it was intended to be. 

7. It is consensual and beneficial.  I think both are important. Yes, I agree to be spanked. But more importantly, why do I agree? It is beneficial to our marriage. It allows my husband to move passed my transgression without carrying anger or bitterness, and allows me to feel forgiven, and though it sounds strange to someone not in the lifestyle, it reconnects us as a couple stronger than we were before. 

8. It is not spousal abuse. I know this is a big one. Many look at dd and think, it's just about men beating their wives. There should be no beating going on in a dd relationship. No yelling, no forcing, no manhandling. It is a loving interaction that brings a husband and wife passed something that has happened, and reconnects them. 

9. Spanking is only a part. I am not necessarily talking about room time or corner time (neither of which we currently use), but it is an emotional connection. DD facilitates open and honest communication in a way I could have never imagined before. I am able to articulate emotions and feelings, and actually allow my HoH a place in helping me to make them right. We hide nothing, communicate everything, and as a result understand and love each other so much more deeply than we ever could have thought possible. 

So, that's my not so short take on dd for us.  


  1. There are definitely soo many "brands" out there lol. Good luck on your journey :)