Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Bear Hugs and Prayers for Emily!

While our community is under fire, we get an opportunity to ignore the trash and do what we do best--support one another. Christina (from Red Booty Woman) and Jim's youngest daughter Emily is in critical condition. They need our prayer and support during this time. Every day at 9pm we join together across the globe to pray for Emily, but don't stop there. Many of us can't stop thinking about their family and little Emily. Pray constantly. If tou have a blog, repost this picture and increase support for some great members of Blogland that need us right now. Praying for healing, strength, peace, and rest!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I am NOT a Victim

I am not a victim.
I am a dd wife.
My husband adores me.
I go to sleep every night in the tender embrace of my best friend.
I wake up and cuddle with the man of my dreams.
My husband listens to my fears, my struggles, my sadness, and joys.
He cries with me when I am sad, And laughs with me when I am happy.
My husband speaks to me respectfully,
He hurts when I hurt,
And he offers to take on the world when it has hurt me.
He is my protector.
I am safe in his arms. 
I respect him more than any man I have ever known.
By my choice he guides me when my choices threaten 
to derail the goals and hopes we have established for me, him, and our family. 
He encourages me when I fail,
And rejoices when I overcome.
I have a voice, 
And have chosen to occasionally check mine to give room for his.
I am strong and independent.
I make decisions, am mature and responsible, 
A leader in our community.
I am not a child and I am not treated as one.
My husband sees me as an equal, 
Made in the image of God with strengths and weaknesses just as he.
We have rules we have established together.
He is the Head of Household.
That fact is not lorded over me, 
He leads with love and gentleness, grace and truth.
I am a spanked wife. 
I choose to be a spanked wife.
I have a safe word. It can all stop with one word.
I am not weak. I am not blind. I am not controlled. 
I am not brainwashed. I am not abused.
I am cherished, treasured, and adored. 
Our marriage the envy of many.
I am not a victim. 
I am a dd wife. 

In light of recent events, I thought it appropriate to speak out. As one of those supposed victims, I stand and say I resent being called weak and feeble, controlled and abused. The attempt to speak out against domestic discipline has only victimized those they pity. I am not a victim. I am strong, intelligent, educated, and aware. I have worked with victims of domestic violence. I have met abusers and victims. I fully comprehend the power and control cycle. My marriage is not it. My marriage, home, and family is a safe haven. A place of refuge. 

The inability to understand is understandable...we were all there at one point. I may not be able to understand all of why this lifestyle is wonderful, but I assure you it is. I am happy, blessed, and so very grateful for the man I call HoH. 

Monday, June 17, 2013

50 Shades and Awkward Conversations

This week has been....tough. My mom had serious surgery and I have spent the week at the hospital WITH my kids. UGH. I am physically and emotionally spent.

My mom is on high doses of pain medications. Add in some crazy family and well....things have gotten interesting.

My mom That's the ummm... the... the Kama Sutra.

Me: laughing hysterically.

My mom: What? It's the Kama Sutra. 

Me: I do not think this word means what you think it means. <insert more laughter> Do you mean the Quran?

Mom: No, that is the Jewish Bible

Me: more snickering. Ummm no. that's the Talmud. The Quran is the Muslim holy book. 

Mom: No I mean the Kama Sutra

Me: laughing harder.

My sister: What's so funny? What is the Kama Sutra? 

I then explain the Kama Sutra in utmost brevity to my mother and sister.

The next day...

My mom: No its the Kama Sutra

Me: Shaking my head. Oh my word. Are we back to this again? We still can't figure out what she is talking about...

We explain the comical nature of this to my aunt who is visiting.

My aunt: what's that book that everyone's talking about? That book about sex?

My sisters and I exchange looks....where in the world is this conversation going?!?!

My aunt: that book about sex...everyone is talking about it...uhhh...Shades of Grey?

Me: <choking laughter> trying not to appear to knowledgeable 50 Shades of Grey?

Aunt: yeah! That's it! 

Sister: What is that about?

oh my.

Me: It's a fictional trilogy about BDSM.

Sister: Whats that?

Oh dear.

Me: ummm I don't know if I can remember all of it... <;) bahahahahahaha> Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism...something like that...

Insert questioning looks.

It's like dominance and submission... role play... sex stuff.


More smothered laughter. And now increased heart rate from me. I really don't want to appear too knowledgeable about this!

There was some more random comments. But I could barely pay attention. I was dying. Seriously. I was having this conversation with my mother, her sister, and my two sisters?!?!? ACK!

Wow. Explaining the Kama Sutra, BDSM, 50 Shades of Grey, and d/s all in one conversation with some very vanilla family. I guess I should be glad dd didn't come up! ;)

On another note...

As for me this week...I feel so distanced from everyone! I have had absolutely no time. I will try to catch up with blogs when everything settles.

It has been a tough week. SC has been gracious and has let a lot go. I just couldn't handle dealing with anything this week. I have been exhausted, stressed, and did I mention exhausted? I got spanked twice...both reminders but even though the reminder with the wooden paddle wasn't many I lost it after two. Little to no sleep makes one very sensitive!

I got to a point I know I needed it, but I just couldn't handle it. He was gracious and has been handling me carefully. Trying to be what I need, but not push more than I can handle.

Things are settling and he has assured me the reckoning is coming...tonight actually. A long maintenance session. But he has assured me the rules are back to being enforced today and he won't hesitate to add a punishment to it.

I am really having a hard time. I know I need maintenance. I have been stressed and feel so far from him. I know I need the reconnection...I am just afraid at what it will take. :( and I feel like I am out of practice....I don't think I could handle a punishment right now! I think I would totally loose it.

Such a difficult place to be in to know you need it but afraid to have it. <sigh> I guess I should be glad it is not up to me....

Crisis and stressful times have brought about yet even more questions of how to handle TTWD...ever evolving, ever growing. Goodness, this can be complicated! ;)

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Don't Confuse My Kindness for Weakness

Sheesh. What a crazy week! I continue struggling with the speeding rule, but at least I am not getting spanked every time I get in the car. Improvement right?!?!

As we continue in our dd relationship, I have noticed how far we have come. A couple things I have realized this week:

1. I can accept a warning.

Why was that so difficult for me before? In the beginning of dd, whenever SC would give me a warning and not punish for something I felt he was being inconsistent. 

And even better than that? 

2. I was actually able to accept grace. Yes. I know, how crazy?!?! No on other than dd wives know how strange that is. 

This week I have been having one of those terrible horrible no good very bad weeks. Yeah. that bad. I was fighting with my sister, stepped down from a major position I had on a committee I loved due to crazy made up conflict, my mom went in the hospital for a procedure only to end up not having it because she needs major heart surgery instead, and then I got a vicious attacking email from someone that is supposed to be my "friend." Add all that to daily swimming lessons and VBS for the kids along with me teaching every night and I was well....spent. Physically. Emotionally. I cried for days. 

ok picture of patheticness painted yet? ;) 

So I got in trouble yesterday. Yes, speeding was involved...along with two other rules breaks. All accidents but nonetheless I knew I was in trouble. But that horrible email? Yeah got it last night on the way to visit my mom in the hospital. SC was heartbroken for me. He is such my rock. Seeing that protective look in his eye as he was ready to take on the world for me made my heart swell with love and appreciation. Who doesn't love to be protected, right? So as he held me last night in between my tears and heartbreak, he whispered, I am not going to spank you tonight. 

I looked up at him in surprise and through the tears with a questioning surprised look. 

I am not going to spank you, but DO NOT confuse my kindness for weakness. 

My heart swelled in appreciation. Yes, APPRECIATION. I stopped and searched my heart. Was I going to be ok with this? Could I accept this gift of kindness or would I feel guilty? Would I think him inconsistent? As I reflected, I realized, No. I would not hold the guilt or think him inconsistent. I could accept his grace and kindness. Woah! Where did that come from?!?!

A pleasant surprise for such a craptastic week. 

I love my HoH. His strength, protectiveness, care, love, and yes, kindness. 

How literal and true is this!?!? Ha! 

Wouldn't dream of it! ;)