All or Nothing

I am and always have been an "all or nothing" kind of person. I like to say I am not a procrastinator, I simply like to wait until I have a large chunk of time to get it all done at once! ;)

I am a perfectionist. I like to get it all right. The kind of person that scowled at a 97% because..ugh I could have should have gotten 100%. And of course a 100% was only good if extra credit wasn't available. Are you following me here?

I have issues. I know.

Some of this has been worked out on the road of life. Perfection is not possible. I have to settle for excellent. ;)

But then...there are those areas I don't come close to perfect...or excellent. The areas of life I pretty much gave up on.

DD has brought new perspective to those areas of my life. Some of them at this point, I am no longer able to hide from. I have to face them, confront them, and I am forced to engage....even if the score at the end is an F.

This is challenging.

This week I have been on a 7 day No Yelling challenge. So far, I have barely completed six days. (Today had a close call!) This was one of those areas I was "nothing" in previously. I had failed the "all" so I had given up and resigned myself to be a yeller. Well, dd changed that. I have been spanked...a lot, for yelling at my kids. While I was improving, I had begun to think I still may never succeed. This week I faced it head on and have made it 6 days! One more to go to complete my challenge! It may not be "all" but it sure is heck better than "nothing!"

Weight loss is another all or nothing in my life. I have a considerable amount to lose and I have done more diets than I can count. I am either all in or all out. This is one of those areas we decided to let dd help. Not focusing on weight loss, but focusing on improving healthy habits. I have increased my water intake and am going to the gym three times a week. They are rules, and I am obeying them. Again, no where near all, but way better than nothing!

Last night I was spanked. Not for yelling at the kids, but for a few disrespectful comments to SC. I was frustrated. Why? because I am all or nothing! I am on a 7 day no yelling challenge, and in my mind I wanted to be spank free during that time. I made it 6 days...sigh. SC assured me it had nothing to do with my challenge, but I still felt disappointment. And really 6 days without being spanked is pretty good in my world!

The road to improvement has no room for all or nothing. I am a work in progress...Learning that sometimes...I have to live in the or of all or nothing.