Saturday, December 14, 2013

Disrespect-- Who defines it?

I would venture to say respect (or lack thereof) is a key component in most dd relationships. Respect is key. Wives must respect their hoh's and hoh's must respect their wives for this relationship to work. It is a cornerstone value in a good relationship.

But it can also be an arbitrary value. I mean, who decides what is disrespectful? Can the simple fact that a person feels disrespected mean that the other person truly was disrespectful? Does disrespect necessitate some kind of intent or attitude? Can disrespect be completely accidental or does there usual precipitate some kind of underlying attitude issue?

These are some of the questions I have asked over and over again.

Especially when my h gives me that *look.* You know the one.

Then I give him back the *other* look-- you know the--who me? what did I do?-- all innocent look. That wasn't disrespectful!

A few weeks ago was one of those times.

My h was unhappy because I was cutting my children's fingernails in the the same time he was in there shaving. <insert puzzled look here>

I was baffled. Why on earth was he upset at this???

He tells me that we have had this conversation before and he does not want the children in there during his morning routine. He doesn't like to be interrupted.

My baffled persona quickly turned annoyed...right after those darn 3 words.

It is disrespctful.

Disresepctful?!?!?! How in the world can cutting the children's finger nails be construed as disrespect???

You think everything is disrespect. 

Well, that comment got me over the bed in about two shakes of nothing.

And THAT made me mad.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! That wasn't disrespectful. That was making a statement! 

We have had the premise of this conversation often -- who decides disrespect? The one doing the disrespecting or the one being disrespected? I mean, truthfully, one could feel disrespected by any little thing right??? That is not the other person's fault right? Doesn't disrespect need some kind of intent??? Don't I have to mean disrespect to be disrespectful?

My H doesn't think so. And around here, he decides what is disrespect. I don't always think it's fair...I mean, what about if he misunderstood what I meant??? Usually we are on the same page and I recognize the disrespect when he calls me on it...but sometimes? Sometimes, I just want to call foul! I think I should have some say if I was being disrespectful or not!!!

What do you all think???? Who determines disrespect? If someone feels disrespected does it automatically make the other person guilty of being disrespectful???

Friday, December 13, 2013

Stay-mission: A Submission Staycation

Awhile back we were struggling with my not being able to find that "submissive" place. . .

A few weeks of a rough patch, feeling rather disconnected, and me feeling rather off in my submission, led us to a mini- boot camp, boss weekend but not quite weekend experience. We only had 24 hours, we haven't even read the boot camp books, so I dubbed the experience a "stay-mission"-- A submission staycation.

I drove the kids to my parents, came and picked up SC and we headed to the grocery store. I say I picked him up, but really as soon as I pulled into the driveway, he kicked me out of the driver's seat..he's kind of controlling like that...

We grabbed what we needed and headed home. I was pretty nervous. We hadn't talked about expectations or rules for the time ... I handed over my phone when we got into the parking lot assuming that would be an expectation. I kept glancing nervously at him. Questioning. He just smiled. 

As we got home and I started making dinner...we thought making dinner together at home would be better that going out...give us something to do together, and offer more privacy. I think it was way more awkward than it should have been!

(hindsight is 20/20 and we definitely should have talked more about expectations!)

After dinner he laid out the plan.

  • I had to ask for permission for everything. (drink of water, bathroom, etc)
  • He planned 4 spankings in that 24 hour period (I ended up earning two extra making the total 6)
  • I was to use "sir" the entire time. (He only usually requires this during punishments)
  • A complete submissive attitude was the goal. 
  • Internet/phone was limited. (He had my phone and pretty much said no any time I asked to use it or the ipad). 
  • There would be a zero tolerance policy on respect
  • Immediate obedience would be expected, and some things would not be easy
  • He picked out my genre of clothing (or lack thereof...not sure lingerie is considered clothing????) 

It was tough! Four spankings in a short time was tough! And having 2 extra in there was tougher!

Apparently I needed an extreme reset to get me to find that submissive place. I must have been far gone. Of course it has been awhile and apparently that submissive me didn't stick around....oops. 

I definitely think the experience was a good one. I definitely could have done without the last "it could always be worse" spanking. ACK. 

I appreciated the level of dominance he displayed. I originally thought such an experience would freak me out, but I felt so close to him and so loved and cherished. 

I certainly could never live day to day with that level of control, but I can certainly see the benefit of a weekend like this here and there. 

Sorry for the lack of was a while ago! I need to be better about this blogging thing!