What's your role?
Will you submit to me in all things?
That's usually where it stops. Every time. It's over. No more spanking, no more punishment. Only hugs and cuddling...and sometimes other activities. . .
Not this time. This time the words that came out of his mouth caused me to sob.
I had just been thoroughly punished. I was sore. I was sorry.
Will you submit to me in all things?
Good. Because now I am going to ask you to submit to a long hard spanking.
What?!!? Wait?!?!? That's not how this works! I thought that, but I said nothing. I just sobbed. How could I take more? I was already so sore.
This happened sometime last month. Life had been crazy and I had gotten in some trouble. Threw up some walls and distanced some as busyness can often cause. SC was done. He wanted me back, and he was willing to do anything he was able to in order to make it happen.
So a long hard spanking it was.
And I submitted to it.
SC always expects me to be "still" for spankings. Now, when I think "still" I think relatively--don't move out of position ie stand up, fall to the floor, climb on the bed (huh? No of course I have never done any of those things!) <hiding>
When SC says be still. He means S.T.I.L.L. As in don't move at all. No wiggling, no jiggling, no moving at all. For a long time I just thought that was unreasonable. Sometimes we got to that place in a spanking-- when it was so long and so hard I had no fight left and could do nothing else but lie there. That place where you butt is almost numb (or at least you think it is until your H starts spanking even harder or hits a new place!) but getting there was not super common. It usually only happened during the really bad spankings-- usually resets.
But SC was requiring that "still submission" more and more, and I found myself getting frustrated. A couple of time I even lashed out I AM BEING STILL! (Yeah, Do NOT recommend that!)
In the last few weeks I find myself getting to that still submission more and more. I used to think it was all physical-- spank me hard and long enough and I will give in... But I have found that emotional surrender will get you there so much more quickly!
Sometimes when I am getting spanked I am angry. I don't think I deserve it. He starts spanking and I vow to not say a word. Not move a muscle. Certainly not cry. Well, that only lasts a short while when a large man is barreling wood down on your backside. Though my body is bent over the bed and I am staying "in position," I am certainly not "submitting" to the spanking.
Sometimes, I am submitting, I know I deserve it, I know I need it, but my mind is on things such as How many was that? What is he spanking me with? Ugh I hate when I do that, I am such a slacker/loser/horrible parent/wife. During these times I am physically submitting. I am even emotionally submitting, but something is still missing.
Whether I think I belong over the bed or over his lap, or I am mad at myself for whatever I did to end up there-- the only way to truly be "still" is to fully submit-- fully surrender.
It's at those times I am not filling my mind with self berating or anger at him for punishing me, but I am thinking He is in charge. He loves me. I will submit. He has my best interest at heart. Submitting to this brings us closer together. This is what is best for us. I submit. I submit. I surrender.
When my mind lets go and surrenders, I truly submit and am "still."
It's not a magic button. I can't do it every time. I can't get there whenever I want. But I am finding I am getting to that place more often. Getting there more quickly.
I always submit when SC decides to spank me. But submitting is so much more than physical position. It is surrender. And it is NOT easy. And I am still learning.
Hey! Guess what! Last month SC and I celebrated our 2 year ddversary! 2 years! Craziness! Oh, how far we have come! This journey of submission is long, and hard, and rewarding.