We have been married almost 9 years. Mostly a relatively vanilla relationship. About 6 months ago I stumbled upon a thread on dd on a completely unrelated forum. I thought it had something to do with being "domestically disciplined." You know, like the Fly Lady-- cleaning and laundry. ;) HA! Imagine my shock when I read the thread. I was immediately horrified and equally intrigued. I brought it up to the hubby. Not in a "hey, let's do this," but more in a "how crazy is this?!?" At the time I had no inkling whatsoever of wanting that in our marriage. I can't honestly say the the thought didn't cross my mind, but really I thought it was crazy and more thought it would make for some fun...hmmm, role play. I decided to forge that topic with the hubby. He was all on board. Enter Fifty Shades of Grey. I know I know, blah blah. But, I read them. All three. In a few days. (Let's not talk about what I DIDN'T get done those days!) ok, now I was really intrigued. But still...just for play. That silly poorly written trilogy poured a foundation for a lot of conversation between the hubby and me. Conversation that never would have occurred otherwise.
I don't know when the snowball went from play to real, but it did. My hubby says I was hinting I wanted it for real. I am fairly certain that wasn't the case! I thought it was crazy, remember? He wanted to try it. I was baffled. Was he serious? I don't know why I initially said yes, but I agreed to a trial. One month.
That month was "crazy"! Amazingly so. My husband flourished in his role. Our communication was so honest and pure. He was in tune to every thought crossing my face. He was protective, cherishing, loving, and . . . in charge. I loved it! I wasn't ready to commit long term though. At the end of our one month trial, we sat down to discuss it. Hardly any information was "new" as we had been communicating every thought during the month being sure we were each doing ok. I asked him if he wanted to stop dd. He said No WAY! I wasn't sure what to think. Yes, it was working, but still...wasn't this crazy?!? ;) We agreed upon extending it to a 3 month trial.
During that time we went to a (vanilla) marriage conference. While we were doing the "homework assignments" for the sessions, we were amazed at how irrelevant this conference was to us. Sure we have issues, but none of the type that were being mentioned. We just don't do that...Well, I may but there is no long battle over it. My HoH gives me that arched eyebrow look and it either ends there or over the bed....
Another breakthrough that weekend was when my husband told me how stifled he felt in our marriage. How controlling I was, and how he felt he had no voice. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea. I thought we were "good." All of the bottled up emotions and negative thoughts about our marriage poured out and my HoH told me he never wanted to go back to the way things were before.... our trial perhaps wasn't so temporary.
At the end of those three months neither of us would have sacrificed the progress in our marriage for anything. It seemed dd had made an amazing impact on our relationship and it was here to stay. There are days I still think we are crazy...maybe we are. But we are happy and more in love with each other than ever before. Not because of dd. It is not a magic pill or a genie in a bottle. It is simply a tool. One that reigns me in and allows my husband to take his place as the Head of House...My heart melts when my hubby holds me after a spanking and tells me how proud of me he is . . . for being willing to do this for our marriage. For being willing to do whatever it takes for us to have the best marriage we can . . .
So that's how our marriage got redefined. What about you? How did you get started in dd? Who brought it up in your marriage?