Implements and the Ultimate Deterrent

So, SC is away for work again...that makes 2 of the last 3 weeks away. I am doing ok, but I miss him in a seriously heartbreaking way.

Last week upon his return...well, as you know things weren't the welcome party I would have liked. I had a terrible week while he was gone and got in MAJOR trouble when he got home. Disaster.

The spanking was awful. It took two days of spankings to cover it. Most of you read how it went here. Yeah, it was rough.

He managed to use the majority of his arsenal in one spanking.

His huge powerful hand...

The spanking buddy for if his hand tires during warm up (poor thing huh?!?!)....

The wooden paddles...yes plural. Ouch.

The wooden spoon (it pretends to be a wooden spoon, it is actually ginormous and a paddle in disguise!)

Not ours, but it reminds me of it!

The Hairbrush paddle...

Ours is thicker...but this is the closest I could find...

The leather paddle...

The Cane

The Terror (Yup, it lives up to its name)

and

The Strap (pure evil!)

But not just the spanking was tough. Yeah, 8 implements in one punishment (I didn't count the spanking buddy since that was for warm up) was....ummm unpleasant.

But more than that, the disappointment in his eyes--- it broke my heart. It was so much worse than any spanking could be. (And this spanking was HARD!)

 I hurt him. I disappointed him.

Maybe it is a man thing, maybe an HoH thing, maybe just a MY HoH thing...but he is BIG on respect. Like major R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Almost any infraction can be seen as disrespect. My disobedience is disrespect because I did not care enough about HIM to obey. Procrastination is disrespect because I do not take into account how it affects him and our family. See? respect is everywhere.

And while he was gone, and I trampled all over his expectations....I did NOT show him respect.

The thing is, I respect him more than anyone in this world. He is wise, intelligent, loving, caring, faithful, good, gentle (well, not when he is spanking!), attentive, the best father, husband, and HoH ever.

Sometimes the desire to show him how much I love and respect him leaves me dejected with feelings of failure. I want so much to please him...and sometimes, well, almost every time I end up over the bed or over his lap...I feel like a failure. Like I have disappointed him.

He assures me I am not a failure. He always assures me of how far I have come and that I am a wonderful wife and mother. But, I struggle. I hate disappointing him. But I know just because he is disappointed in my choices or actions, he is not disappointed in ME. He always tells me how proud of me he is after disciplining me. How proud of me he is that I am willing to be held accountable, to submit to his authority and punishment to make our marriage and family better.

Yes, his disappointment is the ultimate deterrent.

This week he has been gone again. And I am 5 days in and yet still nothing on my list! (and not because I chose not to write it down this time!) :) In the almost year we have been practicing dd I don't think I have ever gone 5 days without earning a punishment!

Sure those two spankings were definitely enough for me to not want that to happen again...but more than that...I want to please him. To make my actions show him that I love and respect him.

Now...to make it at least 2 more days!

Quiet is not always QUIETER...

There are a few situations that bring great challenge to the dd lifestyle. We are no stranger to them-- especially challenges such as children and house guests.

We always have children. ;)

And right now...we have house guests...not just any house guests....but teenagers...

At first we just thought we would "save up" all the punishments for after they left... yeah, I said "save up". I mean, for real...I have NEVER gone a week punishment free, let alone 2.5 weeks!

BUT...Have I mentioned I HATE waiting?!?! Well, I hate waiting. It is terrible, no good, very bad. Yes, miserable. I hate waiting. There. I said it again.

So, instead of waiting, SC offered to "get it over with" in the garage. Big sigh. I took it. Stupid me. Apparently his weapon err implement of choice this week is to be the tilt wand.

Seriously dear...tilt wands are to open the blinds....NOT to spank bottoms. Really. Seriously.

I experienced it last night...you would think I would have worked really hard not to meet up with it again.

Oh wait. I did! I did NOTHING today to earn a spanking. Miraculous, right?!?! Yeah. Apparently too good to be true. I didn't do anything TODAY, but I did get an email reminding me that I forgot to pay a bill. OOPS.

I mean, I FORGOT!!!!

Yeah, yeah, I know I procrastinated paying it...and yes, procrastination is a punishable offense. grrrrrrrr.

The garage, with Senor SC, and the tilt wand.

You would think the looming doom of that dang awful weapon implement would make me on my best behavior. Nope.

SC: Why are you being punished?

Now, I really hate this question. Often random answers come to mind and the sarcastic comments usually get swallowed and I manage to give the correct answer.

NOT tonight...oh no.

Me: Because you are mean. <enter snarky smile here>

SC: Seriously? That just got you double

Me: <insert nervous laugh> NO! I was just kidding!!!

SC: Do you think this is funny?

well...I thought it was.....I OBVIOUSLY don't think it is funny any more. (I managed to keep in any sarcasm about lack of sense of humor--that one's never gone well for me before.)

Me: No sir.

It's the garage so it echos. Even with music on, I fear anyone hearing. Apparently he did too because the warm up was short and then....

THWAP!!!

THWAP!!!!

THWAP!!!!

I am not sure how many but it was however many it was that many too many...and then...the dreaded words.

SC: We would have been done here if you hadn't backtalked. Do you really think I am mean for following through on what you have agreed to be held accountable?

ugh. Logic is so overrated.

THWAP! A few too many of those and FINALLY he laid it down on the table. sheesh.

You see. The quiet implements? Are not always so QUIET. The impact sound might be less, but the sounds coming from me....well, I was mostly quiet tonight. The fear of someone hearing kept me mostly quiet. But good grief the yelling in my head?!?! Totally LOUD!!!!

Quiet is so overrated.

And tilt wands? Are for BLINDS. ;)

Lectures and a Broken Paddle

This happened a few weeks ago, but I am just getting around to posting it. :)

*********

I have been warned not to embellish this post. So I will stick to the facts. ;) 

The last few weeks have been crazy. I have been stressed, my HoH has been more than gracious and we have been in survival mode. My HoH noticed me "slipping" and as soon as things began to settle just a little, he called time out to the grace period. All rules back in force and a long maintenance session to get us back on track. 

Oh joy.

A few lessons learned from above mentioned "long maintenance session:"

1. Do not suggest listening to a podcast on lecturing before an upcoming spanking. Geeez.

2.  Do not begin to giggle uncontrollably when your HoH tells you your behavior could get you arrested. (Dang speeding!) 

3. Laughing harder when called out for ill placed giggling gets you spanked HARDER.

4. Wooden paddles when applied with force to one's bare bum do indeed break. (What kind of wood you ask? Oh don't take away all the fun by asking details. Oh I was told not to embellish? Oh right...ok ok it was bamboo. Yeah I know those aren't like the big ones...but goodness...he STILL broke a paddle on my bum!)

5. Paddles being broken during a spanking cause for more laughter, but not the end of a spanking. Though I saw the amusement in his eyes, he didn't hesitate to pick up another implement and get back to it. 

6. He is consistent and I am so very grateful for the wisdom he shows in leading me.

The only thing in common this pic has with the one that broke is the shape... ;) 

"The Package"

Once upon a time a lady invited a friend over for a play date. This friend like so many others was oblivious to the secret life of the lady and her seemingly gentle and sweet husband.

This friend brought her children over to play and as she walks in the door, says oh you have a package.

All color drained from the lady's face, having a good idea what this package contained. She took it from her friends hands and nonchalantly set it on the table. After all scouring it for shipping labels or content information might look somewhat awkward...

The moment the friend and her children left, the lady attacked the package, searching for any sign of telling and horribly humiliating information.

It had the contents listed!

Thankfully, even if this friend read it, I doubt she had any idea what these "two leather hand crafted items from the UK" were to be used for...

The lady knew and her bottom knew...and if it didn't ... It found out last night so the kind gentle mannered husband could "try out" his new "craft items."

The lady thinks her friends should warn their friends about such things...

The lady assured her gentle kind husband now the strap wielding HoH, that straps were only for TERRIBLE horrible no good very bad offenses....would any of said friends like to confirm that for the lady and her strap wielding HoH? She feels there is power in numbers...

Target Mocks Me . . .

Target is like Disney World to me. I love it! It is amazing the wonderful deals to be found in that dollar discount section, the clearance kids clothes, and other random things. I could go in for toilet paper and be reminded of all of the wonderful things I forgot I needed (or never even knew I needed!)

Well, let's say that for the last six months (the duration of our dd relationship thus far), I have avoided Target like the plague. I have a $30 spending limit without permission. I assure you I cannot spend less than $30 at Target. So, I stay away. The regular grocery store is much safer! ;)

Last night we were having a family outing and we ran by Target for me to get a few things I needed. A FEW. I asked my HoH to go in instead...self preservation, right?!? Well, he assured me that I knew better what we needed and that I could handle it. : /

I tease my dh about his "twitchy palm" all the time (50 Shades reference) . . . but I kind of empathized last night...My hand kept reaching for things to put in the cart. Sales, clearance . . .oh I love that! 

And then...I saw these...

and these . . .

Was Target mocking me? My hands suddenly felt less twitchy and I felt compelled to leave quickly...without any of those! And with only the things I needed.

I was so proud of myself! Too bad I actually did get spanked last night, but it had nothing to do with Target. .