She consciously told herself to breathe. Her brain told her body to walk but no step would come.
Come here. Now.
She took a deep breath and tentatively stepped forward. He patted the bed beside him and she sat down. Her eyes lowered, she couldn't bear to look at him. She was so upset...so disappointed in herself. She couldn't look at the disappointment she knew would be evident in his eyes.
Why are we here?
She closed her eyes for a second...trying to close out the pain in her heart. She had caused this...but where to begin?
Too many things to count...she whispered.
Well, let's try. He said as he picked up the pen and paper.
Her eyes closed again. Oh No. How could she be held accountable for everything...it wasn't possible.
One by one they began to list the infractions of the last week.
Failure to track punishable offenses when directly told to do so-- disobedience and disrespect
Not eating breakfast on time one morning-- disobedience
Yelling at the kids (4 days) -- disrespect to others
Failing to remember an important task-- disrespect
Arguing about completing another task -- disrespect
general attitude of disrespect-- thinking that it was not possible to punish for all offenses so what was the point....--disresepect
direct disobedience when given a time to be in bed one night-- disobedience
Responding in anger and sleeping in another bed-- disrespect, distancing
Texting while driving-- danger
The list continued...
The lecture was long. The disappointment heavy.
Over the bed.
Those dreaded three words.
Each rule that was broken was read.
You chose not to write things down when I asked you to because you thought I wouldn't punish you for everything. You were wrong. I will. I will hold you accountable. I love you.
And it began.
Each infraction was read....each punishment administered.
I forgive you for disobeying me and not writing things down.
And so it went...down the list.
The next hour and a half were not easy. It was the most difficult punishment she had ever received. Yes, it's true it needed to be. She needed to know that he was serious...that he would indeed punish every rule break even if he was not home. Even if the list was long.
If only that hour and a half were all...but no. They only made it through part of the list.
As sobs wracked her body and the burn in her bottom was more than she had ever felt before she fought to breathe.
Her HoH took her in his arms and whispered, I love you. I am so proud of you.
Her HoH was gracious and gave into her pleas of a one night break before part two.
But part two came all too quickly ... just 48 hours later.
This time she began to whimper as soon as he asked her to lay over the bed. One glance at that yellow notepad made her almost sob immediately. Only halfway done?!? It wasn't possible.
And it began.
Read the rule that was broken. Punish. Offer forgiveness. Down the list he went.
Each implement seemed the worst until the next.
As she screamed into the comforter as the strap whipped away at her burning bum, surely that is the worst implement!
But then, that horrible awful huge wooden paddle. There is nothing like the pain of that pounding into your flesh. It MUST be the worst.
Even the lesser implements become evil as time goes by...there is no spot untouched. No spot of skin that doesn't burn. She wondered how she would ever sit again. She pleaded and begged for it to end.
It seemed so much. Too much. And yet, in her heart of hearts she knew any less would not have been enough. She had never disrespected him like she had that week. And she never would again. This strong man loved her...loved her enough to not allow her to damage their relationship...to mess with the wonderful roles they had worked hard to establish.
Finally the spanking stopped. He lifted her off the bed and she stiffly walked into his open arms and continued to sob. He kissed her head and whispered his love and forgiveness.
I love you so very much. I am so proud of you. I forgive you. It's all done. It's over.
As she laid on her tummy on the bed she heard the rustling of paper. Then tearing. As he ripped up the list he leaned down into her ear and whispered, it's done. It's all done. You are completely forgiven.
Tears filled her eyes as she rested her head on the pillow and he laid down next to her. Her weary body relaxed and nestled against the warm body of the man who adored her-- enough to not let go.