Well, that's not really what happens of course. I am an ADULT. A responsible, mature, wife and mother.
So WHY OH WHY was I panicking when my dear HoH was preparing to leave on a business trip?!?! He doesn't travel often, but does take several trips a year. This was not the first time we had been away since since starting TTWD, but it was the first time he was the one leaving...
Yet, I had so many concerns about him leaving. I always have a hard time when he goes away. My kids are small, it is a lot on me, I hate sleeping without him next to me. I hate dark quiet nights alone. I don't fall asleep easily when he is gone so I end up exhausted. This trip the kids are a little older and honestly, his lack of help was not as missed...just him.
Before he left I wondered, How would I survive?!?!
My greatest concerns:
--I am so needy since starting dd. How would I make it through eight days without him holding me?
--I HATE having punishment hanging over me...what would happen when I messed up and knew I was in trouble, but had to wait?!?!? (He suggested that silent spanking cream....thankfully I convinced him that was a bad idea!)
--In eight days I would probably have a slew of punishments built up...
--We had just had "the Perfect Storm" and while we were "ok" I still felt unsettled.
Thankfully, it was spring break this week and I appreciated not having as full a plate as usual, not having school in the mix. Despite my fears, I survived.
SC asked me to keep a list of punishable offenses. Yuck.
I really really really wanted to make it through the week without messing up...
Yeah, screwed that up the first night. UGH
He comes home tonight...I have told him about most of it....but there are a few things I have yet to tell him about. One, I really thought wasn't a big deal, but some dd friends inform me it might be bigger than I thought : /
I REALLY hate messing up. I REALLY hate disappointing him. Most of the issues are minor --swattable things, but not full punishments...but there are one or two that make me nervous...I hate waiting...
My biggest concern of all about him leaving? Being nervous about him coming home. I was really scared that if I messed up enough I would be conflicted in my feelings about him coming home. Of course I would want him home, but how would him coming home and having to punish me affect that excitement?
Well, he comes home tonight. The list of transgressions is much longer than I would have liked. I am super super bummed about that. But I am OVER THE MOON excited about him coming home.
Yeah. I know in the next several days I am going to get spanked...but then he will HOLD ME. And I will be back in his arms where I belong.
The week apart has had a few unexpected bonus'. I had plenty of time to reflect and consider what happened last week (in the Perfect Storm), was able to get some great feedback and insight from experienced and respected dders, and my bottom has had a chance to go eight days spank free. . . if only it could last . . . ;)
Cole,
ReplyDeletelike you, i get very stressed when my professor isn't home or is out-of-town. i literally get NO sleep, toss and turn all night, even though he always calls me and stays on the phone until i drift off. if i wake in the middle of the night, i'll text him and say i'm not doing well. if he's awake, he'll call to talk to me...but not always. and then i'm up all night. ugh.
during the day, i have the responsibility of all the four kids. so i completely understand your situation there, too. when they were all five and under, i thought i was going to die from exhaustion when he was away. now, it's not as bad since they're all older but still, they are always needing to go somewhere or do something with homework etc.
i am hard on myself. i'm always trying to make everyone happy, get everything done, and i think he hates to see me running hither and thither when he's gone, and who thinks rationally on no sleep? not me.
so i read your post to him tonight, and he said, "i would not want to punish you when i returned home from being gone. i might like to warm your bottom up a little and take you to bed {wink wink}, but i wouldn't want to give you a punishment." and i asked why? and he said, "because you're so stressed out while i'm gone, it's reasonable to think you're going to make bad choices because of the stress alone, you do enough punishing on your own."
sure. we're new to ttwd, but he totally gets it and i needed to see how he felt about this particular post. maybe your HoH will just give you a warming? hee hee
i hope so. :)
m.
PS: happy easter!
Maryanne, thanks for your thoughts! It certainly can be stressful. But I think things are definitely improving as the kids are getting older. I remember a few trips ago being kind of convicted-- it's not about what I can handle, but what I can handle well. With that in mind I do my very best while he is gone. I to not easy, but I try. SC has low expectations about a lot of things while he is gone. He does not expect to come home to a clean house and has no expectations about how I spend my time etc while he is gone. He was actually super surprised and so proud of me to come home to a clean house this week! :). I don't think he will be too hard on me as I think he is pleased with how things went while he is gone, but I know being punished for a few of the things I did is necessary and him being consistent is very important to us. I think we as dd wives all have different needs and that is the huge blessing of our HoH's knowing us and what we each need to thrive! :) I am glad my H is proud of me though and that should offer some grace in the punishment area! ;) happy Easter!!!
DeleteGlad you made it through the week! Hopefully you can focus on the reconnection and find your enjoyment in being held soon. That is the best and most healing feeling!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kim! It was so great to be back in his arms last night! Loving him being home! :)
DeleteI can't imagine if Tm had to travel for work or anything. I'm happy for you that he is back, even if you managed to get into a bit of trouble. Happy Easter :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! Love having him home! Hope you had a great Easter!
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