The Bold, the Bald, and the Beautiful!

Over the last 10 months we have undergone many changes, not the least among them are the new friends I have made through the online dd community...

One such friend is Christina @ Redbootywoman. I have spent many hours chatting, talking, and seeking her advice. She has provided answers, encouragement, support, friendship, and laughter.... all to someone she doesn't "know." I am blessed to call her friend.

Though I have not met her irl, I know she is beautiful! Her heart is kind and giving. Giving people often find themselves giving more than they ever imagined they could give. And she is about to give something crazy! Yes, crazy good, but crazy all the same!

Christina's mom is suffering from ALS, and Christina has made an announcement of how she plans to help, and give of herself in honor of her mom.

Christina's announcement:

     This year, I am shaving my head to raise funds.  Goodbye hair. Hello scalp.       

       Bald as a baby's bottom!  I want to do this for 2 reasons; to raise money for ALS  

       research and support, but on a personal level, because I want to offer a personal 

       sacrifice in my Mom's name, while she is still with us.  What is more personal that         my hair? 

So, will you join her in her generous giving? You can even keep your hair! ;) Will you donate to an awesome cause for a great mentor and friend in the dd community?

Oh, and a fun bonus! Blondie over @ Blondie's Blog has generously teamed up with Christina and is offering a raffle for one of her world famous pocket paddles. Give a donation of any amount and then head over to Blondie's Blog and comment to get entered into the raffle. (Just be warned, if you are a dd wife and  your HoH hears about it.... he just might order you to enter the raffle-- not saying from experience or anything... ;)

Oh, and everything can be completely confidential! Just donate anonymously.

Donate here! 

Join in on a great cause for a great friend. :)

The Locked Door

The door opens.

You can feel his presence.

You know what's coming, so you simply close your eyes and wait.

The door shuts.

You wait for the sound.

Wait. There was no click. No lock.

He walks toward the bed...the wrong side. His side.

He gets in. He calls you over. Over to him, not over the bed.

But you already know.

He didn't lock the door.

He didn't walk to the closet.

He holds you close, and you talk. Like with mouths.

Your bottom rejoices. 

Because he didn't lock the door.

Wait...maintenance EVERY day?!?!?

We have never done regular maintenance...SC calls maintenance when he can see me slipping in some area, or he can see me not "feeling" submissive.

Last night I was punished. It was not fun...I mean I guess punishment never is...but this was REALLY not fun. I received a punishment spanking for one thing and then additional spanks for another infraction. It was one of those weird times my emotions just take on a mind of their own. I got angry.

I really can't tell you why. It HURT. And while SC assured me it was supposed to hurt...that is after all the point. I was still in a weird head place. I can't explain it, but I started acting out because I was sore...even the blanket touching my bottom hurt and was setting me off...I was exhausted, it had been a really long and tiring weekend. I was just overdone. SC could sense me acting "off" and "pulling away." That ended me OTB for 5 more. At that point my anger went to whimpers. Insert odd conversation here:

SC: Does Clint say anything about whimpering?
My head shot up in surprise! huh? I don't think so, Why?
SC: Because I don't like it. 

I was SOOOO tired. Not sure if I thought those whimpers would get me sympathy...it apparently didn't work if that's what I was going for!

SC refused to let me pull away and held me close. (I have a love hate relationship with this!) And then.... he decided that I had not been feeling or acting very submissive lately...that I wasn't expressing a desire to please him like I have in the past. He feels I have put up some walls and we are missing some of the closer intimacy we had experienced in our earlier days with dd.

To get back to this place, SC has declared daily maintenance until we get back. I asked how long he would do it. . . His answer? As long as it takes. <sigh>

He's right. Some walls have unintentionally been built. Not huge ones, but little inconsistencies here or there have laid a brick or two...life gets in the way and communication falters...another brick. The brick building around my heart is not intentional, and it is not desired. I know he is right...but as I sit uncomfortably from last night and await not only maintenance but a punishment from my attitude about everything this morning...I can't help but be a little nervous for my bum...

I miss that close connection. I need it. I crave it. SC is probably right...this may be what I need, but it is one of those times I may need it, but I don't want it. One of those times I am grateful to have an HoH that puts my needs and our needs over my wants...

Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been. We are closer than we have ever been. He is more in tune with my needs, and I to his. He is thriving in his role of HoH, and I as a TiH.

So, le sigh, if daily maintenance for awhile is what takes to make our already amazing marriage more incredible...I submit...even if it is with a little trepidation...

Maintenance

Maintenance. I thought about it all day yesterday. When I was out with my sisters and telling them I had to be home early, I found myself quickly recovering before I casually mentioned I had to be home for maintenance. UGH. I hate maintenance, and yet in a strange way I love it. Confusing, eh? Just like so many things in dd.

The last week or so I have crossed the line a few times...ok a lot of times. I had family in from out of town and I was away from my family a lot. Out with the girls, dinner, shopping. My HoH was being extremely gracious and allowing me to be released from our spending freeze (I say it was just thawing for the week), and allowing me to spend as much time with my family as possible. The first part of the week I did ok. I texted before I spent any money and checked in regularly. Then I spent over my suggested limit on something and really thought I would be in trouble. It really was one of those, "I would like you to keep it to..." Something in me seems to think I can get away with things if my HoH gives any hint of grace. It is pretty ridiculous. Instead of seeing it as a kind gesture, I see it as he doesn't care or is being inconsistent.

After that incident, I started crossing the line a little more. Dinner out here, a purchase here and there. Nothing crazy, but because we are on a spending freeze for the month (trying to catch up after some unexpected bills and some overspending), I am supposed to ask before I swipe a credit or debit card at all. Normally I can spend under $30 without checking. I totally knew I was wrong, but I kept thinking well, he won't tell me no so what difference does it make to ask. The point is offering respect in just checking with him. I was bratting. Not completely unconsciously, but not super intentionally either. Add in a few disrespectful comments here or there and too much procrastination on a few things and my HoH informs me we will be having a maintenance session last night.

When I face all of those things, I guess I am super glad it was just maintenance! Yikes! What was I thinking!??

We don't do regular maintenance. No scheduled night of the week or anything like that. My HoH uses it more along the lines of when I have been starting to head in the wrong direction-- attitude here and there, a disrespectful comment, but nothing deserving of a full punishment. When S.C. informed me we would be doing maintenance he kind of lectured then and laid out why, and the many infractions that had been adding up. He said he just wanted a reminder and a little role affirmation.

<sigh> As much as I hate the concept of maintenance. I mean really, the idea of being spanked when you haven't done anything wrong...more as a precaution so you don't do anything deserving of being punished? It seems absurd. I remember when I was researching d I thought maintenance was one of the most bizarre and ridiculous ideas ever. Now, ugh, I hate it and yet I know how good it is for us...for me.  My HoH was totally right. I needed it. <sigh>

I hate admitting that I need a spanking. Sometimes I am so good about sharing my thoughts and feelings and yes, even my need for a spanking, and other times? I won't admit it for the world! S.C. will ask, "do you need a spanking? Just ask." In my head I am screaming, yes! but my mouth is saying "no!" I know that is deceitful, but really, how hard it it to say that you NEED to be spanked?!?! Does anyone find that easy to do?!?

So, maintenance is done, and I am feeling better. Back in a more submissive headspace and back to checking before swiping! Now, about that procrastination. I already missed one deadline today, so I better get working on that list!