I would venture to say respect (or lack thereof) is a key component in most dd relationships. Respect is key. Wives must respect their hoh's and hoh's must respect their wives for this relationship to work. It is a cornerstone value in a good relationship.
But it can also be an arbitrary value. I mean, who decides what is disrespectful? Can the simple fact that a person feels disrespected mean that the other person truly was disrespectful? Does disrespect necessitate some kind of intent or attitude? Can disrespect be completely accidental or does there usual precipitate some kind of underlying attitude issue?
These are some of the questions I have asked over and over again.
Especially when my h gives me that *look.* You know the one.
Then I give him back the *other* look-- you know the--who me? what did I do?-- all innocent look. That wasn't disrespectful!
A few weeks ago was one of those times.
My h was unhappy because I was cutting my children's fingernails in the bathroom...at the same time he was in there shaving. <insert puzzled look here>
I was baffled. Why on earth was he upset at this???
He tells me that we have had this conversation before and he does not want the children in there during his morning routine. He doesn't like to be interrupted.
My baffled persona quickly turned annoyed...right after those darn 3 words.
It is disrespctful.
Disresepctful?!?!?! How in the world can cutting the children's finger nails be construed as disrespect???
You think everything is disrespect.
Well, that comment got me over the bed in about two shakes of nothing.
And THAT made me mad.
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! That wasn't disrespectful. That was making a statement!
We have had the premise of this conversation often -- who decides disrespect? The one doing the disrespecting or the one being disrespected? I mean, truthfully, one could feel disrespected by any little thing right??? That is not the other person's fault right? Doesn't disrespect need some kind of intent??? Don't I have to mean disrespect to be disrespectful?
My H doesn't think so. And around here, he decides what is disrespect. I don't always think it's fair...I mean, what about if he misunderstood what I meant??? Usually we are on the same page and I recognize the disrespect when he calls me on it...but sometimes? Sometimes, I just want to call foul! I think I should have some say if I was being disrespectful or not!!!
What do you all think???? Who determines disrespect? If someone feels disrespected does it automatically make the other person guilty of being disrespectful???