The Good News and the Bad News

Have you ever been asked the whether you want the good news or the bad news first? I always like the bad news first. That way you get it out of the way and move on the good news!

So...I have some news. Bad news first?

I got spanked. Ok. A few times. Yeah it stinks...but that's not really much news is it? Seems like I am ALWAYS in trouble.

It's only news because....wait for it....


I went 8 whole days! 8 days!!!! In 19 months of dd I have never made it an entire week. I am so very excited!

I know 8 days isn't much for some, but it feels like a major accomplishment to me. It has taken a long time for dd to just "be a part of life" and not be so all consuming as it is in the beginning...it's been quite a transition for me...but I am working on it. DD is just a part of life at this point. I never thought I would get here.


Of course SC added a rule this week that is going to be nearly impossible for me to do so I doubt this will happen again anytime soon! ;)

Milestones: A Review

I have the awesome pleasure of getting to share a great new dd anthology, Milestones, with you. The amazing authors of Coming to Terms have teamed up again to bring us another wonderful set of short stories.

Major Changes by Cara Bristol

Major Changes is the story of Cadence Simmons who has to adjust to having her military husband back in her day to day life. The transition from independence proves a struggle,  but their foundation in domestic discipline helps them weather the storms and strengthen their marriage.


The Barn by Alta Hensley

The Barn is the story of how a small town girl returns home to her young love. Full of the pain of the past and the hope of the future, Paige Holland finds what she has been looking for with her old flame within the walls of the barn that holds so many memories of the past.

Unmet Desire by Renee Rose

Unmet Desire is the story of one couples battle with infertility. As husband Luis watches his Claire slip further and further away due to infertility, he decides a bootcamp might help.

A Time to Heal by Sue Lyndon

A Time to Heal is a story of love and protection. Stephie has been cancer free for over a year, but her husband Marcus is having a hard time loosening the reigns in her recovery. Stephie struggles with Marcus's overprotection as they cope with how to move forward.

Making it "Write" by Celeste Jones

Jill Carpenter finally gets published. She is thrilled with her new found career, but comes to struggle with life as a spanking fiction author, her struggle with privacy, and the inability to share her successes with those around her.

The First Submission by Anastasia Vitsky

Karie and Sori are faced with the duties of their kingdom and find themselves in an arranged marriage. Karie longs for adventure and Sori is clueless in her role as disciplinarian. The First Submission is their story as they try to make this unlikely union work. (F/F)

October Something by Jade Cary

Kate and Jack Barrington are about to celebrate ten years of marriage...unless the divorce goes through first. As their marriage is in shambles, Jack surprises Kate at their cabin and introduces her to that which just might save their marriage-- domestic discipline.



I very much enjoyed these stories, although as the authors do such a great job, I am always so disappointed when they end much too quickly! (Such is the nature of a short story I suppose . . .) This anthology touched on a few not so common dd topics such as infertility, chronic illness, boot camp, and a "Spanko's" secret life which made it even more interesting.

All of theses authors write incredibly well and draw you into the story-- realistic characters with interesting plots, and plenty of spanking.  It was a great read!

Get your copy at Amazon today! Milestones

*In the interest of full disclosure, I did receive a copy of this book for my honest review. 

Dear HoH on Valentine's Day

Dearest HoH,

Today is Valentine's Day. A day to express love and friendship. Every year we exchange gifts and cards and tell each other how much we love each other, how precious our relationship is. This is true. But you see, this year I don't have a fancy card or a special gift, but I hope that every day I have expressed to you my love, respect, and admiration for you.

I don't always do a great job of showing my love and respect. I sass you too often and argue too much. I roll my eyes and shake my head and too often disappoint.

However, my love, as much as I too often fail to show the heights of my love, respect, and honor for you...I hope that I show it more than I don't. Because while I may not have chocolates or candy, I gift you something so much more...

Every time you call me and I come . . . 

Every time I lower my eyes in respect . . . 

Every time I kneel before you . . . 

Every time I crawl across the bed at your command. . . 

Every time I place myself over your lap . . . 

Or over the bed . . . 

Every time I don't rip an implement out of your hand or stand up or cover . . . 

Every moment I stand alone in a corner . . .

Every time I call you Sir . . . 

Every time I offer my body as yours . . .

Every time you touch me body and soul in unspeakable places. . .

Every time I don't refuse and only blush . . . 

Every time I make myself vulnerable and emotional when I would rather stay closed . . . 

Every respectful word uttered while I am angry . . . 

You see, sir, I gift you me. My body, my love, my submission. 


I will always and forever be,

YOURS

Physical vs. Emotional Submission

Submission.

A word that holds so much meaning.

It's the cornerstone of our roles as dd wives. I am a submissive wife.

Well, I want to be.

I try to be.

Sometimes, I really, really try.

And sometimes, I fail.

Sometimes I fail because I am too independent. Too stubborn. Too opinionated.

Sometimes I fail because, well, I have no idea. I don't always know why I am not "feeling" submissive.

One of my complaints about this lifestyle from the beginning is while it seems all about the "behaviors," it is really all about the "feelings" the "emotions."

If I don't "feel submissive" SC will do maintenance or R/A until I "feel' submissive again.

I obey not out of fear of punishment, but because I want to please him and obey him. Yes, sometimes I don't do something because I know I will be punished for it, but the pain of the punishment itself is not what motivates me. When I don't "feel" it, I tend to brat and act out. He catches it (sometimes earlier and sometimes not!) and brings me back around.

It's all about the feelings.

Spanking makes me "feel" submissive.

But, sometimes, I don't feel it.

Sometimes I don't feel submissive because SC has messed up, and I feel disappointed, let down, or guarded.

That is where I have been this week. Through a series of not huge mistakes and some hurtful words, I was feeling guarded. I felt distrustful and the stones around my heart were growing into a castle size wall.

We finally talked and he decided on a Reset to get me back in the right frame of mind (i.e. submissive).

I was nervous.

Resets, unlike maintenance or Role Affirmation are usually long. and hard. and awful. They take me past my limits. Break down any walls, always make me cry (and often more).

Resets tear down the defenses and while I am so much better afterwards, the process is HARD.

I wanted to be back and truly hoped for that reconnection that always comes from a Reset.

Whenever I am spanked, SC has a ritual in his lecture when he is "done."

Whose in charge?
You are

What's your role?
To submit

Will you submit to me in all things?
yes sir

The first two questions are easy. I KNOW the answer, I accept the answer.

The last one. Not so easy. If I am feeling submissive, it is no problem. But when I am not-- I cannot lie. I cannot say yes when my heart is saying no.

I choose submission every day.

I choose to obey the rules (I try! Really)

I obey as he tells me to get over the bed or over his lap.

I choose to obey. But submitting is more than obedience. Submitting is a condition of the heart.

When he asks me if I will submit in all things. Sometimes I cannot say yes.

I never say no. Sometimes I am silent. Sometimes I say I am trying. Sometimes I say I want to.

After a long spanking the other night, I was close.

Very close.

He asked, "will you submit to me in all things?"
"I want to"

He continued spanking.

I had been very far gone so getting there was not pleasant. The walls had been high and hard to tear down. But I knew I was close to the damn breaking. And then instead of the emotional release, the condition of my bum made SC do an all stop.

First, let me say, my HoH was 100% right to stop. He is definitely the H, and I totally respect him, and I would not want him to continue if he thought it was past the point of "safe."

But all that said...I was soooo close. And didn't get there.

The next day I tried really hard to cling to whatever submissive feelings I had rediscovered the night before. I tried hard.

And then it happened.

Another disagreement. Another fight. I tried hard to be respectful. To not yell like I used to. I think I did pretty well. But I was upset with the way he handled it. The walls went back up. Trust which had only begun to once again take root, had been easily ripped away by the tides of harsh words.

We were supposed to have part 2 of the Reset that night, and H declared I "wasn't ready" for it. That we would need to wait until we could work more stuff out and be in a better place.

At that point, I lost it.

I felt like he was giving up on me. I felt like that horrible horrible spanking from the night before was absolutely futile. worthless. for nothing.

We talked the next morning. He had apologized. I still was so far. He decided to spank me.

It was in the morning and the kids were awake, so he used a "quiet" implement. The Terror. It lives up to its name.

I obeyed.

I went over his lap.

I physically submitted.

No warm up (he didn't want the noise because of the kids).

And he spanked. And spanked. And spanked some more.

He spanked hard.

I was trying to be quiet because of the kids. I begged him to stop.

He just said, "I want my submissive wife back."

He kept asking, "will  you submit to me in all things?"

I knew that with two words I could end it all. I could end the assault to my poor posterior.

But my heart was not submitting. I was trying. But I was not completely surrendered.

It's like my heart goes in stages. These stages are the most evident during a spanking.

When my heart is yelling: I hate this, I hate you. Why are you doing this?!?! -- I am FAR.

Then my hearts softens and get to the point where I begin to submit. I even begin to "yes sir" in my head, but I am not quite ready to verbalize that.

And then finally, the verbal proverbial "yes sir" is uttered from my lips and that means submission is no longer physical but emotional, it's not just coming from my lips, but from my heart.

We don't always get there in one spanking. Sometimes it takes a few. Like this time. I didn't get there. If he knows I am not going to be able to get there he will ask, "Do you want to submit to me in all things?" to which I can always affirmatively answer.

When he asks "will you submit to me in all things?" I want my heart not just my voice to answer "yes sir."

I am not all there right now. I am physically submitting, and I am even verbalizing the "yes sir" much of the time...because well, my bum is 50 shades of purple...I am not an idiot! ;)

He called off last nights part 3 due to the condition of my bum. Part 3 was rescheduled for tonight.

My stomach lurches at the thought. I want to submit...all of me. I submit physically to this because I know it facilitates emotional submission.

When I don't feel it, I can't fake it. I don't want to fake it.

For me, physical submission is not the goal. Emotional submission -- submission from the heart is the treasured goal. And while the journey there is often difficult and long. It is worth it.