SC started back to school this past spring. Spring and summer bring about a lot of travel for work as well. It's the end of the school year, sports activities, family stuff... We have just been busy. Too busy.
When SC started back to school and life got crazy, for a few months things were pretty rough. We settled into what I not so affectionately called the Crime & Punishment cycle. SC would go to work, come home super late, eat dinner, read for classes, and then more often than not, spank me for whatever rules I had broken that day. That was happening a lot. Too much.
I began to resent the rules. I felt he didn't have "time" to be HoH, and although he was punishing me, the closeness wasn't there. Sometimes he barely had time to hold me for very long after because he either needed to get back to school work or get to sleep. Emotionally I was in a terrible place.
Punishments were making me angry, not breaking down walls and bringing us closer together like they are supposed to do.
We regrouped. SC eased up on some of the rules, not changed anything, just eased up the expectations a little. I am getting spanked a lot less. SC is really making an effort to do all he can to spend as much time with us as he can, coming home earlier, helping around the house as much as he can.
We have settled into a new routine. DD has become "just part of life."
Ya'all. I hate it.
Ok not hate it as in I hate dd, I mean I hate the fact that dd has just become another thing. An afterthought.
While we were on vacation and SC was in super H mode, I felt so loved and cared for. So cherished. Yes, I got swatted a bunch, even with the paddle some and while that is no fun, I loved the care I felt-- the closeness.
The thing about dd is it takes a lot of work. On both the part of the dd wife and especially on the HoH. So while my rules have relaxed a little, the reason for that was to lighten the expectations on SC as well, and of course to get out of that crazy crime and punishment cycle!
I miss it. Yes SC is still always in charge. He is always relatively consistent. But I crave that hyper H mode sometimes. And then I feel like that is entirely unfair. And selfish. And he's busy... and I need to not be so needy.
But neediness is part of the dd game-- dd makes us vulnerable and therefore makes us needy. I get that.
I know I need to talk about this with SC soon...maybe there is a compromise. I know that especially with the relaxed rules, I need maintenance. We have talked about it, but for some reason unbeknownst to me he hasn't implemented it. I don't really understand, but I am trying to be patience. Part of me thinks one night a week of submission exercises and maintenance might really help me feel that closeness and get me into a better frame of mind for the week.
I'm not always a fan of change...certainly not this one. But, I am trying to be patient. Trying to be understanding. Trying to be realistic. It's just hard...
Sorry that this post was a bit whiny. He is away right now and I miss him!
Anyone have a submission exercise that helps? Care to share?!? I would love to compile them if you don't mind and do a post on that...SC has asked for ideas in that department.
